Wednesday, April 2, 2014

A Bag of Chips Never Looked So Good

This is my husband: 

Ok. Not really. But, there are similarities. Not the mustache (Much to my husband's dismay. He is not allowed facial hair at his job.) but the attitude. Like Ron, Judd doesn't say much, he doesn't like people. He considers chicken a vegetable (it doesn't have eye lashes), and the smell of bacon makes him happy.

But, when he does like you, he'll do anything for you. When he does say something, he means it. He is a man of his word and his word means something. 

He doesn't go out of his way to be social. He's not unfriendly, he just doesn't really care if he hangs out with people, let alone random strangers.

Imagine my surprise when he came home and announced we were going to a bbq at someone's house that I did not know.
Apparently, an old buddy has recently moved back into town and called Judd at work. Now, this buddy, Mark, has been to our house at different occasions, but it was to watch UFC fights and I couldn't instantly place his face.

But, it looked like we were going to a bbq on Sunday.

All throughout the week, I kept asking Judd questions, because I was so in shock that he had agreed to go.

Why are we going?? (Because he invited us)
Why? (I don't know....)
When was the last time you talked to him? Before this? (I don't know....two years ago??)
But,why does he invite us to a bbq after all this time? (I don't know...he was always kind of strange that way.)
Who else is going to be there? ( I don't know.)
What are we suppose to bring? (I don't know.)
Why are we going, again? (I DON'T KNOW!!!!)

So. We were going to a bbq at a stranger's house (pretty much!!) and had no idea who was going to be here. To say I was a little socially apprehensive would be an understatement.
Truthfully, I was a little resentful that something like this was going to take up my nap family time, plus, we were going to have to leave the kids behind with Jayce as we were unsure if it was a "family friendly" occasion.

Sunday afternoon rolls around. We rush home from church, feed the kids, set them up with bribes to be good fun activities.

We had decided that we would stop and at least get some chips and dip to take to the shindig. Now, because of our current economic state, our grocery money is not handed out willy nilly. We actually had already gone over our weekly budget so when I say it was a sacrifice, I'm not kidding! Yes, it was only chips and dip but....chips and dip for strangers!! (Basically)

Because we had gone to the store, we were running behind schedule. So, being the polite people we are, we called Mark and told him we hadn't forgotten and were on our way.

We pull up to his house and I immediately recognized him, much to my relief. But, there was a complete stranger outside with him. We walked in the house and met more strangers. All of them older people (not that it mattered, just I quickly realized I would not have much in common with them, seeing as how I'm a spring chicken and all). Two couples and one single lady introduced themselves.  We handed the hostess (Mark's girlfriend) our sacrificial chips and dip.

It was just.....awkward.   It just  I didn't know quite what to do. I look at my husband and I can see he is struggling as well.

After the introductions, Mark says that he will start grilling the meat in about an hour.
Wha???  Great. There goes my entire afternoon.

Then.  Then I see the t.v.  Hooked up to a computer.

The single lady, that was trying so very hard to be funny and charming, starts talking and I realize what is happening. 

It is a sales pitch.

I look at my husband. Who will not make eye contact with me.

Mark looks at my husband and says "Oh boy. Judd is mad."

My husband, (remember, he says what he means and means what he says) says, "Yeah. Pretty much."

But, he sits down at the dining room table so I don't have much of a choice but sit down with him.
Now, all the other people are in the living room, with their backs to us.  However, Mark's two little dogs, are sitting on the back of the couch, facing us. I swear to all things Holy. They were laughing at us.

"You losers!"
"Neener neener!!"

I'm telling you, my heart was pounding so hard. Because, I was so mad, so unsure of what the heck to do.
I was unsure that, if I were to stand up and announce we had to leave, if my husband would follow me. After all, he had wanted to come in the first place.
I thought I could quietly text a friend and have them call me and fake an emergency.
But, people only do that on t.v!!! 

Meanwhile, the lady is trying to get her computer/t.v. to work. She announces that she can't find the presentation dvd.  And Mr. So-and-so will be here shortly and they will skip the dvd for now, and do that part when he gets here.

Now, this helps me realize that there will be a pause at some time and it wouldn't be too hard to make an excuse and leave. Because I'll be darned if I'm wasting my Sunday sitting there!!!  I say to myself I WILL get my husband's attention and we WILL leave.
Again, my heart is about to burst through my chest at the thought of having to make a scene shortly. So, I sit quietly, fluctuating between extreme anger (we called the guy to tell him we were going to be late, for god's sake!!) and wanting to giggle so badly because the dogs were truly laughing at us!!

Finally, I see a young man come up the drive-way. He enters the house, he's wearing a suit and tie that is about 3 sizes too big and just looks like....well, someone by husband would later make fun of. 

I think "Oh, there's NO WAY Judd will put up with this!!"

The boy man begins looking through his stuff to find his dvd and the lady tries to hand us some paperwork.

Now, here is where I fell in love with my husband all over again. 

He stands up, announces we are leaving. 

Walks in to the kitchen and grabs our chips and dips!!! 

Mark says "Oh, you're taking that back?"

Out we go.
Mark follows us.

Once outside, he apologizes up one side and down the other. He explained he'd been out of work, this was a way to make some income and the lady told him to invite anyone he could think of (us? really??) but NOT to tell them what it was about.
Which, he now realizes was a mistake.

My husband's response?  "Yeah. Pretty much." 

But, of course, Judd understands about having to make an income. And, he even understands about how pushy the sales people can be and how they operate.

By the time we got in our van to leave, Judd had told Mark that of course he was available to go hunting, shooting, fishing any time. And, they shook hands and all was well. (I'm told Mark actually came to my husband's work today, Tuesday, and apologized again)

I was silent for the first 10 minutes after we had finally gotten the heck out of there. 
Then, the giggles I'd been holding back finally released themselves.

"Judd? When a long lost buddy calls you up out of the blue and asks you to come to his house for some food, what are you going to say?? " 

"I will ask:  What are you selling?" 

He said he felt like such a dope.
And, I said: 
"Yeah....but you took the chips back and TOTALLY redeemed yourself!!"