Friday, January 25, 2013


Since my last post, I've been a partying fool!!

Of course, I've been the only one at the party as the theme was "Pity".
But, I've rocked it nonetheless.

Doesn't anyone know how hard my life is right now? Doesn't anyone care?  Hello? Where are the dozens of phone calls with job offers for my husband?

My "everything will be okay" attitude of last post has sorta gone off the path, just a bit.

For the most part, I'm grateful I have a job that I like and can work how many hours I want. I'm grateful my husband has taken over some household duties to lessen my load some. I'm grateful that truly, we will be okay.

However, the lesser part of me is exhausted and feeling sorry for myself. I miss being home with my kids. I miss cooking dinner, I miss bedtime, I miss sleep.

The kids have been frustrated with the new set up we have going on. But, they know mom and dad are doing their best and (hopefully) it's temporary. Josie especially has had a difficult time adjusting. In her honest to God best effort to let me know she loves me so very much, she left this note on my pillow, for me to find when I got home at 10pm. Because I'm so very lazy I'm not going to take the time to scan it but it said:

"Dear Mom, Did you know that when you're at work until 10:00, I sometimes cry because you're gone so long? That proves how much I LOVE YOU!! ALOT cause you're the best mom in the whole world! Love, Josie"

There were some tears shed that night and the pity party was out of control.

I truly, wholeheartedly, believe there is light at the end of the tunnel and my husband is meant to get another, more satisfying job. I don't believe I was meant to be a working mom. I was meant to be home, with my kids and my husband. Some woman don't want that, but I do.

Just when I thought life is so unfair and nobody cares, I get this message from a very sweet friend:

"Jackie, I will not take no for an answer. I am bringing dinner over tomorrow night. Your husband and kids can eat it for dinner or you can save it for after church Sunday. We love your family, you are such a blessing to everyone."

More tears but this time of shame for thinking nobody cares and of gratitude because of course God cares for me, for us.

Every thing will be okay.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Vitamin Deficiency

In my last post, I said that the flu bug has become an unwelcome house guest.

My oldest had a head cold and I picked up the flu from my work.

In an effort to prevent my husband and kiddos from suffering as I have, I stocked up on some vitamins. And, in my logic, decided that the higher the dose, the better.

I had my husband give them their first round Saturday night, with dinner, while I was at work.

That evening, I slept on the couch, to prevent me from breathing in my husband's face. Oh, and also because with everything clogged up, apparently I make slight noises while sleeping. The words "chain" and "saw" were used but surely that's an exaggeration.

Anyways, I slept on the couch, with no alarm. In our house, I am the one to get everyone up and ready Sunday mornings for church. If I have no alarm, a heavy dose of Nyquil, I do not get everyone up and ready in a timely fashion.

I was awakened by my much more punctual teenager yelling in my face, "It's 9 o'clock!! We have to get ready for church!!"

I scrambled to get out clothes, braid hair, grab Bibles, but, I do not feed anyone any food whatsoever. (Which, sadly, is not unusual for me. I loathe making breakfast and therefore, often, do not do it! I home-school half of my children, we eat whenever. My other two have a nutritious breakfast at school. My husband is a grown man and perfectly capable of making his own food. Which he does not do. He eats toast.) But, ever diligent in my fight against germs, I make my kids take their vitamins. 500mg of Vitamin C and 50mg of Zinc. Super Mom award nominee, am I right?

Wrong.  Approximately 5 minutes later, I have 2 boys barfing. One saying he doesn't feel so good and Josie (who took exactly the same vitamins) complaining that her braid is not straight.

I immediately feel horrible for making my kids take those vitamins on empty stomachs!!  I pop in some toast, convince them the worst is passed and all will be fine now.
I am staying home from church, once again diligent in preventing others from getting sick.
Secretly, while I love church and teaching my class, I'm a tad excited to have the house to myself. And to sleep, in my bed, instead of the couch, where I've been displaced for the last 3 nights.

As I'm getting comfy, propped on my pillows, I get a text from my friend saying "Jeven just threw up." I text back, explaining the vitamin/empty stomach scenario.
She texts back "Judd bringing everyone home".
I text back unkind things about my husband and how he never lets me have anything (meaning the quiet time I was wanting) and freaks out at a little vomit, blah blah blah.
She texts back "I understand. I guess Jayce is staying."
I apologize for going off on my husband and thank her for letting me know what was going on.

Eventually, I hear Judd pull in to the driveway. Josie enters, mad because she had to leave her friends. Jeven enters looking rather pale. Jarrett enters covered with puke.  Judd enters looking not at all happy.
We get everyone cleaned up and are discussing whether this is indeed the vitamins/empty stomach scenario or perhaps a bug. That affects everyone at exactly the same time.
Suddenly, I receive another text, this time from Jayce's friend: "This is Jayce. I feel horrible. Can someone come get me?"


We cancel plans we had, unsure of what exactly is going on.

But, by 4p.m., we were pretty sure it was the vitamins/empty stomach scenario as everyone is bouncing off the walls. Except for me, I'm still suffering from my flu (ironically, I took no vitamins whatsoever) and quite upset at my lack of quiet time.

Since then, no one has dared take any more vitamins. For approximately $10, we got exactly 2 doses of vitamins in the children. Totally not worth it.

And, if anyone was paying attention, you would notice Josie was the only one (that took vitamins) that did not throw up. What does this say, exactly, about Josie? Hmmmmm??? 

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

I Cried Over Spilled Eggs

Tonight, as I carried the bowl that held our last dozen eggs, scrambled, to the table to feed my young, it somehow slipped and fell to the floor. 

The dog was ecstatic. The kids in shock. I was in tears.

It wasn't the end of the world, necessarily, and it wasn't the worst thing to happen to me lately, but it just was wrong.  Not fair. 

The holidays came as they usually do. Crazy and hectic and jammed full of parties and toys and people and sugar. 
Christmas was a tad different for us this year as I had to work Christmas afternoon.  We had our morning here, my parents came over (which is new) and I made brunch and we relaxed until I had to go to work, then my hubby took the kids to his family's side. I only missed out on a couple hours of celebrating and working a 4 hr. shift on Christmas is not worth crying about.

The flu bug helped us bring in the New Year. Both here at home, and at my work.   A record breaking 40% of the residents are currently suffering from Influenza A. Which can be deadly to the very young, the very old or the otherwise unhealthy.  Here, at home, I've been hit the hardest. At work, my most favorite, most dearest resident (he is the one crying in this post,not because his wife was dead but because she was in the hospital with a broken arm) is dying as I type this, in the hospital. His family by his side.  I say he was my favorite because from the very first day I worked there, we connected. He had a stroke many years ago and wasn't always able to speak clearly or even use the correct words. But, I took the time and figured out his needs and cared for him, and his wife, with love and respect. In return, he and his wife, have listened to me talk about my family, given wise advise and we have prayed together. I will miss him and I cry for his wife who loves him so. 

My husband was laid off of his job of 11+years yesterday.  Lay offs are always a possibility this time of year. But, he has always avoided it.  Until now. He is unemployed, indefinitely.  When he told me, we just stared at each other, shrugged our shoulders and came up with a plan.
He has been wanting something different for so very long, but unsure how to go about it. In case you were unaware, jobs are not plentiful right now. We felt it was safer to be happy with what we had than risk it all and change things.
Seems we were meant to risk, not it all, but at least a little.
I will pick up more hours. We will collect unemployment (a fraction of his wages!!) and he will search high and low for another job. It means some definite changes and sacrifices here at home but nothing worth crying about.

I tried to keep that positive attitude today, as different people had to be told about our situation. The kids were told, and while the little ones think it's awesome dad will be home more, the oldest knows it's a serious situation and that there is potential for stress.

My family loves breakfast for dinner. I hate making it. Hence the reason I don't make it for breakfast. I have two (total) frying pans and only one is decent. Try making sausage, hash browns, pancakes and scrambled eggs in two frying pans. I make one then set the plate in the pre-warmed oven. 

Finally, all the the food was cooked, the plethora of syrups was set out for all to enjoy. The dinner call was yelled and all came running. Only to see the dog eating up the scrambled eggs off the floor.

It is very interesting how we cope with stresses and changes. Some can rock our worlds when they shouldn't and some can make us determined to make things better and buck up and put that smile on our faces.

But, when it comes to food being wasted, in this house, that's always worth crying about.