Since my last post, I've been a partying fool!!
Of course, I've been the only one at the party as the theme was "Pity".
But, I've rocked it nonetheless.
Doesn't anyone know how hard my life is right now? Doesn't anyone care? Hello? Where are the dozens of phone calls with job offers for my husband?
My "everything will be okay" attitude of last post has sorta gone off the path, just a bit.
For the most part, I'm grateful I have a job that I like and can work how many hours I want. I'm grateful my husband has taken over some household duties to lessen my load some. I'm grateful that truly, we will be okay.
However, the lesser part of me is exhausted and feeling sorry for myself. I miss being home with my kids. I miss cooking dinner, I miss bedtime, I miss sleep.
The kids have been frustrated with the new set up we have going on. But, they know mom and dad are doing their best and (hopefully) it's temporary. Josie especially has had a difficult time adjusting. In her honest to God best effort to let me know she loves me so very much, she left this note on my pillow, for me to find when I got home at 10pm. Because I'm so very lazy I'm not going to take the time to scan it but it said:
"Dear Mom, Did you know that when you're at work until 10:00, I sometimes cry because you're gone so long? That proves how much I LOVE YOU!! ALOT cause you're the best mom in the whole world! Love, Josie"
There were some tears shed that night and the pity party was out of control.
I truly, wholeheartedly, believe there is light at the end of the tunnel and my husband is meant to get another, more satisfying job. I don't believe I was meant to be a working mom. I was meant to be home, with my kids and my husband. Some woman don't want that, but I do.
Just when I thought life is so unfair and nobody cares, I get this message from a very sweet friend:
"Jackie, I will not take no for an answer. I am bringing dinner over tomorrow night. Your husband and kids can eat it for dinner or you can save it for after church Sunday. We love your family, you are such a blessing to everyone."
More tears but this time of shame for thinking nobody cares and of gratitude because of course God cares for me, for us.
Every thing will be okay.
I wish I could help. I will tell you that things eventually get better. And cycle. So they go up and down and up and down.
ReplyDelete(((Hugs)))
Sometimes, you just need to KNOW that it will be okay. And it will. It goes without saying that God never sends you up the mountain to shove you off the cliff. Honest, he doesn't.
ReplyDelete(((HUGS))
You're not alone in your pity party and thankfully, those parties come and go. My husband and I were just talking earlier that our early fifteen years of hard work have been wiped out in the last five. He's out of work (for the second time in a little under two years) and I am back to work in something less than ideal. At any rate, I hear you. Each day is a battle with attitude more than anything. Take care and best of luck to you both. =)
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