Total Fiction

When I started working at the assisted living facility, I just knew I'd have hundreds of hilarious stories for you all.  And, I do.

However, there is a law that says I cannot talk about the residents in any manner that does not have to do with their care. And, since I'm forever trying to obey the law and stay within the lines, I will not be telling you stories about some of the lovely people I take care of.

However, there is no law that says I cannot make up my own stories. So, here are a few "fiction" stories. M'kay?

I do see lots of skin.  Old people's jiggly bits. It's not pretty. But, it amazes me how fast I've gotten use to it.
Let's pretend that one night, an older gentleman pulled his call light (alerting us we need to go assist) and I entered his room to, oh, let's say...find him buck naked, sitting on his bed, with only his black circulation stockings on.  Turns out he needed assistance getting the socks off. Which I did. As I left, I thought to myself:  Self, how did you get to the point that seeing a 90 yr. old naked man doesn't even phase you any more?  You are bad ass.


Let's pretend that one evening at dinner, I noticed a man choking. Not just "cough cough went down the wrong pipe" choking but CHOKING.  In my story, let's say, I reached behind him, made a fist and proceeded to thrust inward and upward, thus pushing air up through his throat and the food dislodged itself. He was fine, breathing on his own, so I then continued to serve the orange sherbet. And, later that evening, after filling out the necessary paperwork, calling the man's family and updating them, I decided to go visit the man, to make sure all was well.  He then told me the story of how he choked at dinner and it was scarey and a nice girl  assisted him and he is ok. He totally didn't even realize it was me that had "assisted him".  So,probably no medal for me. But, that's ok.


Or I could make up a story about a man that clung to me one night, crying out of loneliness, missing his wife of 60+ years. But, there's not much humor in that.


I am loving the job. Although it involves bodily fluids (and yes, solids) and nakedness and odd smells and all sorts of attitudes.  I'm amazed at how attached I am to the residents and how much it hurts when they move on, either to another facility or...well....you know....

I love them all. And, that is not fiction.

Walking Close and Other Randomness

First day of school has come and gone. Again.

I have the oldest two at home, with me, and the younger two go to elementary school. 1st and 2nd grades.  I really contemplated keeping at least Jarrett home this year. But, with me working, even part-time, I was afraid I wouldn't do his eager little mind justice. Then, when we found out who his teacher was, I was SO happy! She is awesome! And, Jeven has the same teacher Jarrett had last year, who is also very awesome. (See, I'm not so stuck on homeschooling that I can't appreciate how hard public school teachers work and how great they can be. Just throwin' that out there.)

I only got one less embarrassing decent picture this morning, of the two going to school.

 Jeven was very adamant that I NOT take pictures at the school, nor kiss him in the school. Which, sadly, is a first for me. My kids have always been okay (at least they allowed it) with kisses and hugs in public. I was surprised that this was an issue this morning, and to be honest, it did make me sad. But, I did want to respect his wishes so I put the camera away, gave a kiss at the car and we walked into the school.

As we walked down the hallway to Jeven's classroom, I noticed he was walking close to me. At first, I thought he was not paying attention and just brushing up against me. Soon, I realized he was doing it on purpose.

Soon, a little, sweaty palm was reaching for my hand.  I grasped it and held back the tears and walked him into his class. Where I got a hug (still no kiss) and a last glimpse at my "baby" (who also happens to have his first loose tooth. Jeven, you're killing me!!)  who would not be home with me again until 3 p.m.! 

But, as much as I missed the little boys, homeschooling was SO much simpler without the distractions.  So, there is hope for my sanity after all. 

We are trying something new here, to try and get a handle on the bickering, name calling and just plain mean-ness that seems to take up every. waking. second. of my day!!

Each child gets a jar, with set amount of candy in it. Each time they provoke, react in anger or are just mean to another person, they get a piece taken away. However, when they are observed being patient, kind and loving, especially in a trying situation, they will get a piece added. At the end of the week, they can eat whatever is in their jar. 

My kids seem to do better with "visual" reward system. Taking away privileges, time outs, strangling them, or any other punishment doesn't work. Or, hasn't, Lord knows. 

So, we will try this. It could be huge success (Yes, please!) or a huge flop.  I could be a mother genius or mother moron. But, it's sure as heck worth a shot, no? 





In closing, I will give you a picture of my kids on a fake, large fish. Because, who doesn't love that?